The Words
by startswithhope
Summary: Post 4A: Set minutes after Emma leaves Killian after returning his heart. Killian is forced to come to grips with all that has transpired with Gold and face the man he thinks he is versus the man he has really become. I took inspiration from Christina Perri's song for the title, as it seemed to fit the story as well. (Previously posted to my tumblr)


Killan's energy was seeping from his body as he leaned heavily against the inside of his door. The adrenalin that had been coursing through his veins the past few hours was fading quickly and the weight of all that has occurred was taking its place. The heart Emma had forcefully returned to his chest just minutes ago was aching now that she was gone. Lifting his hand to his chest, he pressed his fingers over his heart and tried to force away the images that were burning behind his eyes. All he could see were the terrified faces of the fairies as they were pulled into the swirling vortex of the sorcerer's hat at his hand. Blue's pleading eyes were the worst, as she truly looked at him like the monster he knew he was.

Sinking to the floor, Killian's found himself in the same position as had found himself a day ago, when he was hiding behind the counter at Granny's. While he knew that he had no choice but to do Gold's bidding, that gave him no solace. If he had never blackmailed the imp in the first place, he wouldn't have found himself in the position of being Gold's puppet to begin with. Despite all of his attempts to fit in with Emma and her band of heroes, it felt in this moment that he was always destined to fall into the category of villain. His love for Emma, as all-encompassing as it is, wasn't enough to stop him from falling back to the selfish pirate that had taken a hold of his soul. And now that Emma was finally opening her heart to him, he was at a loss as to what to do and how to not end up hurting her. Reaching up to claw at his chest, Killian wished he could rip his damn heart back out. He missed not feeling all of this fully. It all felt like too damn much.

He sat there for what felt like forever, lost in his thoughts and sinking into his well-worn self-loathing. When sleep felt like the only option left, he leaned down to leverage himself off the hard wooden floor. Something under his bed caught his eye at that moment. He was meticulous with his tidiness and knew that whatever it was, it had not been there when he had last been in his quarters. Upon closer inspection, he could tell that it was a rather large book, one that seemed vaguely familiar. Rising on aching legs, he walked the few steps to his bed and reached underneath to pull the book out. Upon realizing what it was, Killian dropped it as though it at burned him onto his quilted bed.

It was Henry's storybook.

"What in the bloody hell is that doing here?" Killian reached behind his ear, scratching and pondering when Henry could have possibly left that under there? Considering he couldn't remember a time when the boy had ever actually crossed the threshold of his room, that train of thought provided him with no answers. Hell, the last time he had even seen the book was right after his return from the past with Emma and he was more than happy to get rid of it then. Memories of that trip still haunted him, knowing how close they came to ruining the lives of everyone they knew. A forgotten good memory of that night, however, was suddenly at the forefront of his mind. Smiling eyes and a flirtatious smile, cold fingers and new beginnings…

_"__I'm in the book now."_

Looking curiously at the heavy tome, Killian knew that sleep was not in the cards. After toeing off his boots and settling himself against the headboard, he grabbed the book and opened to a random page. His jaw dropped at the image of him and Emma dancing at Midas' ball shining back at him. They were gazing into each other's eyes and lost in a moment all their own, _both_ looking as happy as he remembered feeling that night as he held her in his arms. Looking at the illustration, a lump in his throat, Killian couldn't help but be overwhelmed. Emma had never mentioned that they were in the book _together_. It had never even crossed his mind to expect to have been included.

Forcing his eyes from the image, he Killian looked to the words on the page. There in black and white was the adventure of Princess Leia and Prince Charles, time travelers inserted into the middle of Snow and Charming's epic love story. He flipped back to the beginning and immersed himself in the words, reliving every harrowing moment. The last mention of him and Emma in this tale was as they were watching Snow and Charming part after the defeat of the trolls at the bridge. The rest of the story followed as it had before, with true love conquering all. Killian leaned his head against the headboard and rested his eyes. His mind was reeling from all he had just read. The book described him as a hero. Emma's words telling him as much searing into his brain.

_"__You're a bloody hero, Swan."_

_"__So are you."_

Killian was well aware the power this book possessed, having witnessed it return Henry's memories right in front of his eyes. Emma had also told him about how it had helped her to believe and led to her breaking the first curse on the town. The magic of the book was undeniable. He opened his eyes and looked back at the heavy weight in his lap, finding himself faced with a reflection of himself that he never expected to see again.

_"__A hero's journey. That is indeed good form, brother."_

The stories in front of him held the truth, just waiting for the reader to believe.

A soft knock on his door roused him from the internal conflict waging war in his heart and mind.

"Killian, are you awake?" Emma's soft voice on the other side of the door was like a balm to his soul.

"Come in, love."

Emma peeked in, taking in Killian's position on the bed and the book in his grasp. She made her way to his side, seeing the depth of emotion swirling behind his eyes and reached for his hand as she settled facing him on the edge of the mattress.

"Hey, are you okay? Why do you have Henry's book?"

Killian squeezed her hand and reluctantly looked from her eyes back to the pages in front of him.

It took him a moment to find his voice and when he spoke it was barely more than a whisper. "Love, I have no bloody idea where the book came from. It appeared under my bed and well, I…bloody hell, I don't honestly know if I'm okay."

Emma reached up with her free hand and cupped Killian's cheek, gently urging his gaze back to her. A solitary tear escaped before Killian could stop it, as he sought comfort in Emma's touch and answers in her green eyes. Emma leaned in after a moment, kissing away the tear that had settled on his bottom lip. Pulling back from his lips, Emma shifted her body so she was curled against Killian's side, resting her hand on his chest above his steadily beating heart.

Feeling him exhale a long shaky breath, Emma looked down at the book to see what story he had been reading. Realization hit her suddenly and everything about the moment began to make perfect sense.

Tapping her fingers against his chest, Emma pulled Killian's attention back to her. "You read our story."

"Aye. It was a bit of an eye-opener, if I am being completely honest, love."

"Well, this book has a tendency to appear when someone really needs it, so I guess it was finally your turn."

"I'm not sure if I'm truly ready to believe what it wants me to, Emma. I've done so many horrible things, things I haven't been able to tell you out of fear that you will lose all faith in me. How can I be the hero it says I am?"

Silence stretched between the two, causing Killian to start to pull away.

Emma's firm grasp on his shirt stilled him and he looked up to find a look of determination on her face. "Killian, do you trust me?"

"With my life, Swan."

"Then I need you to believe me when I say this. You are a hero. Not just because the book has decided you are, but because you just…are. Being a hero doesn't mean you have to be perfect and never make any mistakes. Hell, if that was true, I certainly wouldn't fit the bill. But putting other's lives and happiness ahead of your own for the greater good, that's what makes a hero. And you've done that for me, and for Henry, and well, this whole damn town."

Emma let go of Killian's shirt and reached between them to grab his hook. "This doesn't define you anymore, Killian." Bringing her other hand back to rest on his heart, she whispered, "This does."

The weight of Emma's words matched the pressure of her palm against his chest. Her belief in him would have to be enough for now. His demons were strong, but hopefully with her faith they would fight past them together. He placed his hand over hers and entwined their fingers, giving her a thankful smile.

Killian's gaze fell to Emma's hand still grasping his hook. Seeing the darkness begin to cloud his expression again, Emma traced the lines of his hook slowly with her fingers before pulling his arm firmly around her waist. He felt her lean closer and then shivered when her breath was warm against his ear. "Don't you dare think of getting rid of your hook again."

Killian buried his head in Emma's neck and pulled her tight against his chest. Relaxing in her embrace, he placed a soft kiss to her jawline before whispering, "As you wish."


End file.
